I went from being a girl who had tons and tons of friends to someone who lost all of that in a matter of seconds. Granted, it was really my fault for why I lost those friends, it still took a HUGE toll on my life. Sadness filled my heart and tears were always in my eyes but I had to just accept that things weren't going back to how they were and just move on with my life. Life is full of mistakes and regrets, but they all come with lessons learned. I've learned to never intentionally hurt someone, never take a really good friend for granted, and never hide something because the truth is always going to be revealed. I walk around school everyday and people who weren't even involved in the situation look at me as the public enemy. I am a terrible person. I deserve no friends. I've even heard that I deserve to die. People laugh at me, people talk bad about me, people give me mean looks, and people look down when they see me. After being outside of the bubble I was once in it was so hard to adjust. It still isn't easy, but it's getting there. Some people literally think I'm a disgusting human being because of a huge mistake I made. Most people who weren't even involved in the situation acted as if I wronged them, and cut off communication as well. I am not saying they are wrong. Everyone copes differently. It's just a horrible experience and it's okay for people to hear my end of things. I know I'm not a bad person no matter what other people have to say to me. My family knows it. My friends who have stayed with me know it. And I think that's what really counts at the end of the day. There isn't a day that what happened last year doesn't cross my mind, but I sort of appreciate it in a weird sense just because I would have never learned those lessons if I hadn't. There was no going back and living the life I had, so I needed to accept the reality of the situation and just adjust to it. There are always times of weakness where I think of how much I miss certain people, but I try and snap myself out of it and say to myself, "things are like this for a reason, just let it go". If that doesn't work, I look to my friends I have and family for strength, and that usually does the trick! What had happened has made me into the person I am today. Yes, I am terribly sorry for what I did, and there is no excuse in doing it, but there's a difference in being sorry and learning from something and forcing myself to live with it every second. People will probably wonder why I would write about that, knowing others can see, but the question that was asked of me was who I am, and I think that situation plays a big role in answering that.
I love the game of soccer and I've been playing for as long as I could remember. When I'm on the field I zone everything else out and that's where I feel nothing else that's going on really matters in that point in time. I am playing D1 soccer in California starting in the fall and I've never been more excited for anything in my life. But besides that, I have no idea what I want to do when my soccer "glory days" are over. I don't know what I want to major in or what I am truly passionate about. I'm just an 18 year old girl trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.
What I do know is this, I want to travel, travel A LOT. I want to experience life outside of the US and see how other people live daily in different countries. I would love to study abroad during college. I love animals, especially dogs. If I could have a farm with 5,000 puppies I would be the happiest girl alive. I am obsessed with anything lacy, I love the color blue and I love spending money I earned myself (much more rewarding than using parents cash). I love working and I love keeping myself busy. I love exercising and I love the idea of a healthy lifestyle (the idea of it....I love food way too much to give up all the yummies). I LOVE MUSIC. I dance ridiculously in the mirror and sing off note to my favorite songs. I especially love country music. I met Luke Bryan....he's even better looking in person. He even told me he loves me (this is actually true there is a YouTube video to prove it). I have been to more concerts than I can count. I live a very blessed life and I am thankful for everything my parents have provided me with. I am a strong believer in second chances, I look to God when I need certain strength, and I love helping someone out and seeing a smile on their face. I love being a friend to someone. Since summer I have been an active volunteer in the community and giving back is really something I love doing. Little kids put the biggest smile on my face and I think they are the most beautiful human beings on Earth. As I said earlier I have no plans for my job in the future yet but I know I am a go-getter and I will do whatever it takes to be successful some day. I love to laugh so hard my insides literally feels like they are going to collapse. If I haven't mentioned it yet or if you haven't realized, I'm a total weirdo and absolutely all over the map. That just makes up who I am I guess!
My goal and purpose in life is to be happy, truly make a difference in at least ONE persons life, be extremely passionate about what I do, and love someone some day with everything I have. :)
Here's a picture of my puppy in a sweater
Your story is so touching! I definitely agree with what you said about having to go through something difficult in order to learn vital lessons. That is so true!
ReplyDeleteWow! Well welcome to soc! :-)
ReplyDelete1.I like the setup of your blog and the positive messages. It makes me feel good to be reading your page.
2) Holy siblings - seven! plus pets! Your parents are either amazing or nuts! :-)
3)I think you are already thinking sociologically. Our class will help you sort through all of "the little details that make you who you are" as you mentioned.
4) One lesson we will learn this semester is that Americans love to speak in the duality/polarization of right or wrong, failure or success, mistake or triumph. But that is a constructed outlook. Really, the truth is that there are only different experiences and they are learning experiences and like you said they all make us who we are, but it's up to us to make something of them.
5) Lastly, a lesson I tell my students over and over again is that the day high school ends, it becomes irrelevant. That;s right. It won't matter who you were friends with or whether you went to a dance or if people were upset at you or whether you were popular or not because the day high school ends, that's it - it is just high school and then there is your life. It's a little like how you look back at middle school - all the drama from middle school is mostly irrelevant because middle school is over. It's true. Ask anyone who has finished high school and they will probably agree. The difficulty is that because you have never been finished with high school, it is hard to realize that. So try to keep that in mind. Glad to have you in class.
Hi Katy, It's me again.I just read this post again since I am writing your recommendation letter. After rereading it I really wanted to say once again that I think it's really wise, mature and strong of you to admit that you made a mistake and to learn from it. I hope you see that like our recent meditation, every moment is different and we are constantly changing. So you should not define yourself by what happened in the past. Instead you are defined by who you are now, at this moment. And that is a stronger, wiser and more mature person than that person you talked about who you used to be. Does that make sense? Hopefully those other people will learn the same and they will realize that moment is no longer. It reminds me of this Zen Story:
ReplyDeleteTwo monks were on a pilgrimage. One day, they came to a deep river. At the edge of the river, a young woman sat weeping, because she was afraid to cross the river without help. She begged the two monks to help her. The younger monk turned his back. The members of their order were forbidden to touch a woman.
But the older monk picked up the woman without a word and carried her across the river. He put her down on the far side and continued his journey. The younger monk came after him, scolding him and berating him for breaking his vows. He went on this way for a long time.
Finally, at the end of the day the older monk turned to the younger one. "I only carried her across the river. You have been carrying her all day."
have a great day,
Sal